Potty Training a Nervous Tot

Potty Training can be intimidating, exciting and even emotional for both parent and child. There are so many wonderful ideas out there. So many tips and tricks (we will go over some of these in a bit).

First off, I’ll start by saying this particular potty training story is about our 3rd child. I had worked as a preschool teacher for nearly 10 years and assisted in potty training well over a 100 kids. I thought I had seen it all between the preschool and my own kids. I assumed, especially since my other two had been so easy and my 3rd is such an easygoing little man that it was going to be a breeze. I suppose that in the end, it really was but at first, I was thrown for a loop and even felt completely defeated, upset, and full of self-doubt.

Now, I know many might say that potty training before 2 is not going to work or is not necessary, but I did it with our first two as they showed interest and our 3rd (we’ll call him H) was also showing interest before 2. By interest, I mean, he was taking off his diaper when he would pee in it and then tell us, he would clap and tell us good job when he saw his older siblings use the potty, he would walk over to his little potty seat and would sit on it, as well as other things that made me believe he was ready. We talked to him about it and allowed him to see us use the potty even before we fully began to potty train.

We used cloth diapers with him and absolutely loved them, so when he began potty training, I just simply wouldn’t put the padding in the pockets and I began to set a timer and encouraged him to go. I homeschool our kids so being home with him and setting a schedule was not hard, but he really did not seem to enjoy the timer and being interrupted from playing. He would obediently sit for a moment but then would say he was, “all done”, only for him to have an accident a few minutes later. I knew this was normal behavior though, so I kept trying for about another week but I could tell he really wasn’t into it, in fact he seemed to suddenly have a disinterest in the potty at that point so I decided to pull back, give him a week to reset and then tried again with another tactic, one I had never used before. I decided that since the weather was warming up, to just let him run around the house with no pants or underwear/cloth diaper on. This did not work either! He did not want to have anything to do with this method and I was not a fan of it either. The mess of him having to go number two was also definitely not pleasant. We took another step back and over the next few weeks we ended up getting rather busy with end of the school year and beginning of summer activities and unintentionally took about 3 weeks off of potty training, though to be honest we really hadn’t given it our all yet, as I later realized that I had seemed to think he would slip right into it with little effort since he was already acknowledging when he would go in his diaper.

After the little potty training vacation, I decided to dive in head first and not look back until he was fully potty trained. He hadn’t been difficult when it came to the other methods, he was really was rather well-behaved with it but the other two methods (timer and running around half nude) did not fit with him and I, though the timer method was a tried and true method and had worked for me in other potty training adventures, it was not working this time round and as I said before, I was not keen on the no bottoms on method.

I ordered a pack of underwear and as soon as they arrived I was so excited and ready to truly begin the potty training journey. That next morning we woke up and I immediately put him on the potty to begin the routine. He had already gone in his diaper so I knew he didn’t need to go again but I wanted to start the schedule off strong and consistent. I put him in his new underwear, which he was really excited about and we began our day. I kept reminding him he was in underwear and not a diaper and asking him if he had to go pee or potty. A couple hours later he began to fuss, hold himself and say, “pee pee.”

I praised him, gave him a little chocolate chip and placed him on his potty, what happened next, I did not see coming. He immediately stood up and began crying really hard and asking me to hold him but then proceeded to run panicked and frantically around the living room until suddenly he couldn’t hold it any longer and he was peeing everywhere and sobbing. Through the tears he clapped and said, “yay baby. Pee pee”. He calmed down and sat back on the potty. I was in shock. I had seen several kids have a fear or aversion to the potty itself or even have a fear of going number two but never had seen a child suddenly act terrified of peeing .

My husband brought up a good point and thought it was a UTI, but after careful observation we knew it was not that. The rest of the day he had no problem, even went number 2 on his potty. Just before his dad got home from work he really had to go pee again and the exact same thing happened. He told me, ran to his potty, happily sat down but as soon as the pee was about to come out, he completely panicked.

From experience in seeing other children with a fear in part of potty training I knew that once we got passed the fear, he would have no problem potty training at all, especially since he was already being good about telling me when he had to go.

Over the next two days my heart absolutely broke for him and I felt helpless. My husband would try and calm him in the evening when he said he had to go but it didn’t work. We tried everything, treats, white board marker and letting him draw on his potty, a show on the phone, even a game on a baby app (which we never let him do any other time), nothing distracted him enough when he came time to actually peeing. It was so sad. He knew and even wanted to go on the potty but couldn’t figure out this fear. I began to question whether it was a fear or not or if something was wrong. I felt like I had to be missing something so obvious. We tried having him pee outside with his older brother, thinking he’d think it was fun and distracting, again, it didn’t help. One night my husband tried putting him on the regular potty, he didn’t go, even though we knew he needed to. It was almost bedtime so we reluctantly put him in his diaper for bed. He immediately peed in it. We were feeling so discouraged and tried looking things up about it but everything said the same things I already knew and had already tried and not one thing spoke of the fear of peeing, only of the potty itself or of going number two, which only caused further doubt on my part. Until, both my husband and I came across a video at about the same time. The lady explained that small children (mostly boys) can have a fear of peeing. I had known this was the problem but had never seen it or heard of it before and was beginning to feel like I suddenly knew nothing about potty training. When we saw this video  though, it gave us our confidence back and made us feel like we did know, that we had known and that we were doing things right. We tried a couple of her new suggestions of having the child blow bubbles and such (the act of whistling and blowing bubbles in fact uses the same muscles a person uses to pee, so it is supposed to help calm and distract the child while encouraging them to pee). The suggestions didn’t really help us but I definitely recommend them.

The next day I had my confidence back and was ready to try again! I thought of how my husband had put H on the big potty the night before and how H seemed to prefer it. This made me suddenly remember that our oldest hadn’t liked the little potty and only liked the big one (not that he panicked over it, it was just his preference. Our middle child preferred the little potties).

Finally on that 3rd day, I tried putting him on the regular potty instead of his baby potty each time and even though he panicked at first, he couldn’t get down fast enough to run away from the feeling, as I was having to help hold him on the potty so he didn’t fall. And guess what, he peed!!! Granted, he totally missed and pee shot over the lip but he had done it!!! I praised him a bunch and he praised himself and clapped. After that, every time he had to go, he would run to the potty in the back room. He would cry a bit but with each time he went he was calmer and calmer. The next day, he didn’t even fuss once when he had to potty!!! He had managed to work through his fear once he had finally done it and was so proud of himself!! We called his dad at work and H babbled about it trying to tell his dad.

From then on, he’s been in underwear and is doing fantastic!!! We are still working on him telling us he has to go number two in time, but other than that he is absolutely thriving with the potty training!!

I wanted to write this in hopes of giving confidence back to those mamas that are feeling the way I had begun to feel and to remind you that it can be so difficult but can change and suddenly click so quickly. Don’t give up!!! Fear of the potty, fear of going pee or of going number two can be totally normal!! Also, when you are ready to begin introducing potty training, trust yourself and your child. I knew he was ready. He knew he was ready and even though he wasn’t even two yet, he knew what to do. He would use a combination of words and baby sign language to let us know. He worked through his fear and was so proud of himself and so excited after he had finally figured it out.

Thank you for reading.