Telling Journeys: Surrogacy

With our guest, Madison O’Halloran

My name is Madison O’Halloran, but I normally just go by Madi. I am 28, married my high school sweetheart and we are coming up on 10 years married. We have two sweet children of our own and really are just living the life we have always wanted.

I have always wanted to be a mom, I use to dream about the family I would have one day. It breaks my heart to think of all the people who have the dreams of becoming a parent and for whatever reason their bodies saying no. It isn’t fair, and it breaks my heart that people have those struggles so for me it felt like a no brainer. Surrogacy is something that I have talked about doing for years, even before our family was complete. Once our children were older and could understand the process enough, I decided to jump in and go for it. I did research and spoke with many different surrogacy agencies and the one I went with, I had an immediate pull to. The rest is well, history now.

Surrogacy takes a lot of patience, it seems as soon as one thing is checked off the list here come 4 more. First and foremost is to make sure that the ones around you are supportive, then look for an agency to work with. That agency is there to hold your hand and walk you through everything else. When signing up with an agency, you fill out a surrogate profile and questionnaire. The intended parents do the same and the agency matches people based on what they want out of surrogacy. The couple I carried for were the only intended parents I spoke with, and we just had such a good feeling about them, so we all agreed to move forward. The agency I went with is called Kindred Surrogacy, and all the ladies that work within this company are incredibly kind, sweet and diligent.

My intended parents are from China, however they both speak English very well. We spoke often, and really created such a special relationship. Unfortunately, with covid being what it is, it did make their journey to getting here more difficult. They had wanted to come over several times during the pregnancy, but of course that was unable to happen, though we did speak often, and we did get to build a great relationship prior to baby’s arrival. Dad got here the day before I delivered, but unfortunately mom had to wait a little longer due to vaccine and covid restrictions. Once mom got here, they were able to stay for two months, and we got to visit them all. If all works out, I am hoping to carry for the same couple later in the year. The family and I keep in touch still, and we plan to keep it that way. They are proud parents and are always sending me the sweetest updates.

The next step then of course is to find an agency that you want to work with. Once you are accepted at that agency, the paperwork begins. There are medical release forms, background checks, psychological clearance, medical clearance, doctor appointments, insurance paperwork, and just a plethora of things that have to be completed before your journey even begins. You have a match meeting with the intended parents, of course mine were international so it was done on zoom. Once you match, then things can really get started and legal clearance takes place. A legal contract is negotiated and signed by all parties. Take your time to research everything, because there is so much that goes into surrogacy. Not only are you putting your body through another pregnancy, but you are on loads of hormones, it is a huge time commitment, there is always the chance of a failed transfer, delivery and recovery can be difficult, and it really is emotionally draining.

Then the fun part begins, which is the start of medications. The month or so leading up to surrogacy, you are put on several medications and hormones. Your medical protocol depends on the doctor, but in most cases, there are pills to be taken, several daily injections as well as suppositories. During that time, you have several doctor appointments to make sure your body is reacting the way they want, and your uterine lining is thickening the way it should. Then comes transfer, when they implant the embryo. Luckily for me, it only took us one transfer for an embryo to stick but that is not always the case. You continue to take meds and do injections until you are 12 weeks and after that you are released from the care from the fertility clinic, and you can switch to the OB of your choice. The pregnancy from there out is like any other pregnancy, you just have intended parents to keep updated along the way.

In surrogacy, especially in the beginning it seems everything is hurry up and wait. You have to get them all this paperwork and then you sit around and wait for everything and everyone to be approved. You hurry and schedule the appointments, and then have to wait and make sure everything goes according to plan. You want everything to go according to plan but like with any pregnancy anything can happen and the plan can get flipped upside down. I hate not being in control, so remembering that things were out of my control was very difficult to me. Of course, surrogacy can be overwhelming at times and downright difficult. Pregnancy comes with a million difficulties; morning sickness, the fatigue, the heartburn, the aches and pains of it all but the good that comes out of all of that is so worth it. So, despite the overwhelm, and despite any difficulty the reward is by far worth every bit. You just have to trust your body, and the process and pray for the best.

If you have considered being a surrogate, here are some things you should know to help you find out if you may or may not qualify. It will depend on the agency, but typically they want the carrier to be between the ages of 21-40. They want someone who has had their own children and it is typically recommended that you are done creating your own family. No history of pregnancy complications, must be financially stable, healthy BMI, no smoking or drug use, and they want to make sure you have a strong support system along the journey.

It has been such a blessing of a journey and I am just in awe that my body was able to bring a healthy baby into this world to create their family. Pregnancy on its own is such a gift but getting to use my body to help create that for someone else has been the most fulfilling thing I have ever done.

Most people ask, how can you give up the baby you just carried and really its simple. You go into this knowing that this baby is not yours, you are simply babysitting. Of course, you love those kids you babysit but you don’t want to keep them from their family. It is not difficult to give up the baby, because you knew from day one of the journey that was coming and seeing that sweet baby with her parents is just magic. Another common question and misconception is that many people seem to think that a surrogate is always related to the baby, and that is simply not the case. There are many surrogates who are gestational surrogates, which is what I was. The sperm and egg from the parents created the embryo, I was simply just the belly that carried.

I am an open book, and love sharing about my journey. If there is ever anyone who has any questions, I would love to answer them and I would love to see other people become surrogates as well because it really is life changing and so rewarding.